To Each His Own…an essay

There is a line from an episode of the 60’s sensational hit TV program “Batman” starring Adam West, that zany and sardonic look at everything kinda alternative, weird and quasi-perverse in the comic-book “kingdom” that I love to repeat.

To each his own, said the woman as she kissed her cow.

Batman probably said it to Robin as the Joker stroked his green beard, or as Burgess Meridith quacked his pointy nose.

The fact is, I’ve always tried to live my life as I feel I must, and leave others to live theirs as they choose.

I once calculated that as long as it did not infringe on my life and liberty, why should I concern myself with the way others live.

At essence, I suppose, I still believe this; but it is getting harder and harder to practice.

It would seem that in this day and age that when the lady kisses her cow, old lady spit mixed with cow-tongue slime somehow catches in the wind and is “blowing” its slobbering ways all over the place.

It’s getting on everybody, and frankly, I’m tired of it.

Oh, I know, the cow-kissing crowd is probably screaming right now “get used to it, you old poo-poo”.

But what if I don’t want to?

Consider Christ

In this day and age, people seem to want to equate Christ’s teachings solely with an “open-ness” to all things around you.

To hear it told, the only way to be a good Christian in the modern age is to “get used to it, you old poo-poo”.

Well, I seem to remember Christ drawing a line in the sand.

Boundaries are important, and respecting them, perhaps, even more so.

So, what constitutes the Christian?

One could, I suppose, reduce it to hand jestures.

Or, perhaps, a “spirit of open-ness”.

I suppose it could be “cooked down” to a friendly hug, or a sympathetic ear.

One might even equate it to sandals and long hair.

Now I myself was taught that being a Christian is defined by your acceptance of Christ as your savior, and beyond that, proclaiming that fact.

Telling the world that you are a Christian.

Now where, pray tell, in that is there a dictum that says I have to “get used to” old-lady-cow slobber getting stuck in my chin hairs?

Now, I can surely ignore the kissing (painfully close to bestiality as it is), but I’m not too fond of the extra (and equally unwelcome) conditioners and moisturizers added to what was once already a luxurious goatee.

Keep the spittle to yourself, and mind the boundaries.


So, on the subject of worship.

Let’s just say, for giggles, that we get all open-minded.

Would it be too obvious to state that melting all our gold and casting a statue of a calf named Baal would be too painfully close to idolatry?

I mean, we are all open-minded about everything, right?

Would it still be Christian if we pretended the cow was sanctified in the holy spirit?

I mean, we are all open-minded, right?

At what point does worship no longer resemble what Christ had in mind?

If two or more of us gather in the name of Baal, is Christ anywhere at hand?

Again, all-too-obvious.

The line in the sand is plain, and so are our Savior’s words…”those who are with me, are with me, and those against me are against me”.

There is no grey area here.

On either side, there is only dust.

But in that line, struck in that sand, there is a solid foundation. It is in that line that the boundary is formed.

When two or more gather in His (Christ’s) name, Christ is there.

So, you see, open-mindedness is not necessarily all it’s cracked up to be.

Now I am still very much interested in letting sleeping lions be…and I’m interested in keeping peace by ignoring what my neighbor does with her barnyard critters (as long as it is kept from the sight of my children – I really don’t want them kissing cattle).

At any rate, I’m thinking better of “to each his own” – there is just too much slobber in the wind.